I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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