I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
