His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
