if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
