You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
