I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
