a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
