I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize