so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
