I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
