omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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