PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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