Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
