if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
