I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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