just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
