My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize