there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize