did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize