I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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