I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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