I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
