its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
