Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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