Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
