Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
