I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
