it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
