she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
