I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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