she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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