Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize