the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
