You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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