he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize