Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
