Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
