one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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