What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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