im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
