when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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