I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think people are normalizing furries
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
