How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've blown a few things in my day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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