So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
