Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
