she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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