Screwed.edu
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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