Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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