Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
