Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
