Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How's work?
Spinning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
