You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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