why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
