I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
