I didn't shave. On purpose
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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