he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
