You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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