I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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