How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They took my balls.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
