I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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