The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
