It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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