we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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