I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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