remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
