I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
