The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
