You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
