I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
